On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
babies were throwing up all over the place
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Randomize
