Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
