By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
