i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Randomize
