i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
she told me i tasted like america
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
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