mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
