so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Is that strawberry winking at me??
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
