i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
