i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Randomize
