Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I think my vagina is haunted
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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