I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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