you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
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