my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Randomize
