We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
