I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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