My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
