he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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