No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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