he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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