i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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