dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
