just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
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