apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I had to cum in my sink.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
