You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
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