My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
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