I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
