apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
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