Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
worst night to have a conscience
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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