so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
