Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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