he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
