wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
