Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
