Fine. I'll sleep in my office
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
