I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
