I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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