Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
