guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I have aggressive nipples.
you never un-have a 4some
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
