It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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