Ketchup is God's man juice
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Randomize
