I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Randomize
