Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
