My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
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