bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
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