This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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