i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
