Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
