Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
