Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
