At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
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