I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
