he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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