Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
